Turnover

Sometimes a simple song can work wonders. Moods that may at best be described as sad, come back to life and better times just with the dash of music. And it's not just english or rock songs that I spak about. At times, when I feel really dead, without any mission, these little things really help me keep up with life. Hell!!I have got a bad voice, so I cannot please people that way. So, I wondered what else could I actually do. Could I create huge servers that can be used for hosting those multimillionaier sites? NO. Could I write well enough for people to see and get some appreciation.No. Could I play football and lead my team to victory? No. Could I study and make my parents happy? .....

I have never been able to answer myself as to what I have been doing since a month. Is it nothing? It surely cannot be nothing. I always think I am doing something. But has there ever been a result?These questions just throw me off orbit and here I come crying out trying to rest my soul. Maybe I cannot digest and recollect things as good as others do. But way back in hig school, I was the best guy there. Now everything has departed from life. A little bit of happiness keeps knocking in the form of subtle humour by people I love. I feel guilt really guilty, The way I have destroyed everything in these three years. My parent's dreams, my career, my life, I have got no excuses. I was given the best opportunity, but I screwed up, and screwed up big time. Was I never used to the principle of working? I did work pretty hard in the last two years, but now, the tunnel looks sealed up. And constantly arises the same Q, I keep bothering people with. Why? Why am I still living? I am not doing any good anywhere. Nor am I capable of doing things anywhere. I am the best butterfingers anyone could find.

I cannot cry. I am made of too much stone. I can only feel bad. I can repent. But, take no action. I can see things happening right in front of my eye, but I keep seeing and seeing. Wonder how I will keep living.