Stop my Resume!!!!!!

It's the end of the third year and the sixth semester of engineering for most people in my batch and you can no longer see these kind of people at places other than the library and the lab or their coaching centres. No one has a moment to spare...everyone hellbent to deliver that extra bit of work to get that extra half mark to get through that college you could boast to your son about..
Here's a small conversation I accidentally overheard when trying to sleep in the library..
A:"Wordlist mein kaha tak hua??"
B:" Abhi to shuru kiya hai..."
A:"Sacch bol Ch....."
B:"Abe yaar....L tak ho gaya hai"
A:" !@#@!$%^&, tune toh phod phad ke rakh diya..."
---------------------end of conversation---------
Now, A tells me about his wordlist:"Abbe yaar..aur teen din tak lagega complete hone mein.."
(He must have reached around Z somewhere..already)

I must say, very clever..So, now, B is a bit behind A..i.e, A has a better chance now!!!And every one in my college is an A and there are few Bs I must say...

Anyway, that was not what I wanted to tell you all about...It's this HUNGAMA since the last three days about uploading resumes..For the less informed people, a resume is unlike what I thought,not executing something that has been suspended but, it is a summary of one's academic career...And people who want bonded labour find healthier pigs using this resume thing and a few other tests and interviews to finalize whether this pig will yield a lot of meat or not.
Ahh, Resume..Just before the resume fever started a site was up for this thing which showed the name and roll number of all students and to my extreme horror, to the extreme right was also written, their CPI.(grades). I closed my eyes and prayed that some one hack this site down or atleast put a black mark over my CPI section...But 1.6 out of 4 can never go hidden...
Oops!!! I am getting carried away by so much of academic action..Next started the time when you need to make and upload a resume..Normally, I always have my own words for each and every incident and thign, here's where I go speechless and let the resumes talk:
These are listed in the personal achievements column of the resumes of my batchmates

handled hospitality of guests of Synapse
(Does that mean he makes a great waiter??)

Selected amongst top 1% of 24,000 students in NET-2002 held for admission to DA-IICT, Gandhinagar.
(what about the other 240 students ...? did they come in through some back door??)

Member of Women’s Cell, DA-IICT
(I swear, I never knew that such a cell existed)

Got 32nd rank in Ramiah entrance examination
(Now, Ramaiah is an exam held for the coaching of IIT...Gettin 32 in it is quite an achievement...)

Awarded the `Best Student of the Month` award
(12 months a year, 10 years in school..For one month, if I did my homework well, I could have written another personal achievement in my own resume)

Selected in IIT-JEE 2002 Mains
(Do U realize that hundreds or thousands of people did that??BTW, me too)

Took part in many general knowledge competitions in school.
Active sportsperson in school.
Received many certificates of appreciation in school
(Now Now....Since when has participation become an achievement??)

Was member of the winning team of Treasure Hunt
(Some contest this was!!!!! The winners got coupons that were expired and I was part of the team too...I forgot it was to be written down in the achievements column)

Got prices in many GK competitions
(U got prices???????????OH MY God...I thought you get good prices at the nearby grocery store...)

Third Prize in aero-gamy (Paper aircraft flying competition) at Synapse
(A paper aircraft is a folded piece of paper..The one that travels most distance wins first and then follow the 1st and 2nd runners-up...I bet an amazing video of the amazing paper plane would be a lifelong achievement cum memory.)

Begged First position in the interschool science quiz
(I did not know you could beg in quizzes...If only I knew this before...I could have
begged certainly and shamelessly everywhere for prizes..)

Secured a Prize in an IQ Contest in IX
(Now, ....It is a personal achievement if you still remember that event ..right?)

More to come, No credits of this can be attributed to the author of this blog as this
was the result of a group discussion though the comments flow straight out of my heart.


Passed the Introduction to North Indian Classical Music optional elective in the 2nd semester.
(Ohh!!!!was such a course really there?????)

Received a third prize in writing a program to develop a Love Calculator in Calc Competition organized by the EHC group of DA-IICT
(Cannot comment)

Articles written for the college magazine ICTian
(---)


Secured certificates of Successful participation in 3rd National Science Olympiad, Young Mathematician Contest, Maths and Science Competition, NTSE.
(ROTF...participation certificates sure are a lifetime achievement for us losers)

Participated in extra- curricular activities.
(Very good!!Keep it Up)

Received certificates of merit since LKG to class 10th every year. • Love poetry. Won a prize for writing in school.


Dumb Sherrards competition
("Dumb Charades".....I thought I was the worst)

Babel

babel is a word, that sounds like a cross between baboon(huge ape,black and scary) and babool(toothpaste, white with the jingle 'babool babool, paise vasool') with e being an added culprit.
Babel, to people living on caffeine and the Baron's book and CAT books, is defined as confusion.
But, Babel is more than that.Apparently when Noah brought people in his ark, the race of human beings grew and exploded like anything.. and in these people, were some, who were, very, very clever...(like the author of this post) and these guys decided to make the biggest building ever to reach heaven...God, watchin from above, already upset that he gave this intelligence to people like me, decided this was the limit and so introduced the barrier of languauges...And then, people could not understand each other...there was confusion and chaos all around..And the building remained thus, unfinished...


Anyway, amongst all this confusion in the world, rises an undercover demi-god. Though he may look deceptively human and equally idiotic, his brain is faster than a supercomputer.He may be siting around with his friends chatting and listening to songs, but inside him, keeps running the huge calculation to find out the number of twists in the strand of a required DNA to form a human being from a ....hmmm..frog?
It may appear now that he typing on a keyboard, but in fact, he is now inside his head, creating a dupliporticator..which can either duplicate the creature placed inside it, or teleport it to any required location in this nebula or do both...that too in about 0.00000234 micro seconds..

After actually making such inventions, one may wonder why then, do they never get popularity and the creator money...But, what you need to know here is, that this intelligent genius has crossed all the limits of living and has no desire for lust, fame or money.He simply hides these in his -234th floor, underground...and will only use them for the good of this world...
And next in the line, is an automatic lighter, which lights cigarettes as soon as they are placed between the lips, a new hot drink, that comes with a High meter and you can adjust the high to whatever limit you want...
But, themost essetial thing yet to be invented by this extraordinary being is something that can help his keyboard skills!!!! :(

Being Human

Going into a room in the hostel near you and sitting behind one of your friends, without him knowing and leting it be like that for a long time is very hard..I was trying this yesterday.After about 3 minutes, I finally hit upon the idea of scratching his hair...And making him turn around..
Look at lizards.They can stick to the same point on the wall all day...Is that coz their brain doesnt tell them they are bored??
Anyway, sticking my head back into the area I want to, I now have the biggest problem ever ever in life.Whenver I type problem, "girl" follows suit.But this is different.I am stuck in my btech and have no idea of what to do next. NOt that I am bad at programming, but that ..to be good at it, I'll have to learn it.

Earlier when I was this over energetic teen with a will to know everything in the world, I never thought that someone could stop me from learning what I wanted. I never knew that education too like normal business, is business...And people, who grind others, and are ready to eat ass just stay forward.
Aaaargh.....No point in making my college friends laugh over my extraordinary academic skill...
What I was thinkin of was, how would it be, if I was born in america??
Right from my birth, each and every move of mine would be video taped and given back to me later to see..Soon, I would start bloating with Mc.D's. Or will I? No No...I wanna b a heartthrob..So, Lemme think , that I am still smart,slim,and 'Sexy'.And hey!! there are hundreds of girls in the college now !!yey!! and me, am a genius..people come to ask me questions, get them answered and make friends with me. I would be a permanent chain smoker, with billions of booze all around me and I would be up around the clock doing my research...Yes! research...But, on what? Most probably on why girls in U.S.A run back to their boy friends after getting Qs answered from me...Do I look evil? Do I look too innocent? Should I wear those tees which speak about virginity, dignity, opportunity??Or Do I look too sexy to be single?(I am allowed to write whatever I want in my blog, remember)...I would have ended up being a very great "single" or gay philosopher who showed a lot to the world which ridiculed him....

Coming back to my crazy thoughts, what would you do if suddenly you find out one day that your whole wardrobe is empty and you slept naked and have nothing to wear??? Now, I thought about this for a long long long time and concluded thus..The best way to cover oneself, after clothes is, to use buckets. Though we may find it very funny on T.V, try it once if you do not believe it..U r guaranteed to feel free,"from the inside"...And if u cant find buckets, multiple mugs plus some rope might just be another alternative....

What would some one like to do if he is sure that no one is going to come anywhere naer his place for one whole day??
Here's a list of what someone can do:
1. Try to reach the other corner of my room, walking or rather crawling like a snake.
2.Go naked and then do things like there's nothing new happening...

Anyway crazy thoughts and future apart, I am unable to imagine what to do here...Do I brush my teeth or do I enjoy the first rain? or do I go back to sleep?

Right or Left out?

When you complete what people have expected you to, you are good. Otherwise, you are bad...People always expect to hear the truth..Not a lie...

Now what is good...Truth, isnt it???
And what is bad, a lie..??
So, when you tell the truth, you throw light on something, isnt it?
And when you lie, you make it dark??
So, good aka truth is light
and bad aka lie is dark.
Now, light in any sense of art is normally white....
So, light is white...
=>truth is white and lie is dark..
Now ...Aint dark, a place that is pitch black??
=> truth is white and lie is black..
Now, till here most people will accept what I said..
But then, what is the diffeence between white and black?? they are just another two colors on the palatte.Why does one exude positivity and the other negativity?


But, whenever we picture angels, we put them in white clothes, white wings in a white background and this is a general thought and when we think of satan, he is always in black, with an evil grin.
Now, here's a small piece of handwaving
White is a bright color and black a dark color..And both are opposites.. It is essentially these properties that have made me choose them as the symbols for truth and false.
Now, check yellow and violet..Yellow is light and bright.....And violet, is it's opposite...
So, please believe people in yellow and stay away from people in violet........
OR can it also be like....if people have hair, their head is black,....dark?
and if they are bald, it's ...uhm..white? So, we need to believe the bald..

Shit apart, what I wanted to propose was that both the factors, truth and lie, be given the same worth. That is, just because, you have down something true, you should not be put on the top of the world. What we need to realize is when one lies, it is not as bad as you think it is. Heads and tails....One and the same....There is no ultimate truth, no ultimate lie....Truth exists because somone lies and vie versa..Both are one and the same..

P.S.: kindly do not use this against me..

Accessories--wat to wear and wat to bare

As far as what I have seen in bombay, if you are a girl, u need to

1. stand in front of the mirror atleast a dozen times before u finalize that you are as beautiful as yesterday night before sleeping.
2. Find the shortest and tightest piece of clothing found in the almirah and try to wear it. If not wearable,go back to 2.

For those wierdos in bombay whose muscles at the bisceps come to somewhere about the size of my waist, I bet they wear their sister's childhood dresses ot their girlfriend's tops, that are so tight that you can almost hear them ripping and so badly colored with tinges of yellow, orAnge,red,flourescent colors that your eye cannot see the thing for more than 1/10th of a millisecond.

The latest trend in my college:
3/4ths.The coolest thing to cover your crotch and your knees but still show your ankles to which those poor girls gore....?
Tight tees... Mummy might not think so, but I have great muscles and may be if I wear this tee from my 2nd class, girls will fall into a trance and start following me right where I want 'em to.



Next come the girls from south India for whom going to temple is much more important than my comp to me. They can never be seen without coconuts in their hands and holy vermillion on their foreheads. Theses girls have a set of salwar kameezes which look more or less the same and perhaps slightly differ in the shade{ like dark grey and light black}

And then, there is the I-am-Getting-Cool-soon type who have their hair braided but wear tight tees and have just started wearing jeans which have wierd dyes on them scaring you out of your nerves whenever you hit the canteen for some food.

And finally come the Angels, who may or may not wear something good, but they remain goddesses..that is, if they do not wear those jeans with vertical lines or military pants..


Among the guys, we see the
Pyjama variety: I fall into this category. too lazy to change after getting up,the pyjamas stick to me the whole day along with a borrowed tee from the nearest open room.
Shorts variety: now, this is a tricky class..this has studious people who wear long bermudas to ventilate their brain, then there is the shorts and shoes variety, the people who look like they are straight from outside the stairs of a temple, then the shorts and hawaii type, these people stand one step below me coz they take baths rarely when compard to my frequency, do not Comb Hair and hate changing clothes(underwear included)
I-am-Already-a-CEo variety: roam the streets wearing bolds and neatly pressed pants with each edge showing sharply with the shirt tucked in and a belt, everything in perfection.I suggest that you kindly try tugging their shirts, crumpling their pants. the reaction is one, worth seeing...


In the summer spring summer'05 special, we get to see girls roaming with a chunni around their neck which goes up and above the head like an automatic sensor, at the slightest prescence of the sun and which then goes 'stylsihly' between their hands like they are holding some vessel or something.Now this variety is an add-on and goes along with all classes of girls.

Ulta-Kwel-variety: Shave their heads or keep long hair, often wear tees with death metal bands with names so obscure that I believe such bands never existed( these tees are commonly sold on the streets of bombay for 35 rupees and I have one of'em), of course topped by a 3/4 th, undeniably they provide instantenous humour to the poor hungry people waiting for their meals.

I-love-studies-Add on: this is a bag, which goes along with most classes of people who either have a girlfriend or a good pointer.

I-brushed-today add on: This one's exclusively for me as often I feel really really hungry as soon as I get up, so I brush my teeth and keep the brush in my pocket and run off to lunch with the brush showing...

Classifieds

Needed:

"A very HOT female with a decent pair of assets and with a strong determination and ability to reach the top. It is also required that this hot female has a bit of brains enough to acknowledge the immense sense of humour hidden in me. Hot Females with Brains kindly oversee this advertisement. It is also required that a bit of emotion exist in the female.applicants please note that if a previous history or a string of relationships exist, than kindly avoid applying. Also, It is a strict rule that unlike the new and popular emerging trend of homosexualtiy, a heterosexually vigorously charged female is only welcome. Kindly apply at A202,DAIICT"

Now...Where do I put up this ad??? Outside the girl's hostel? Outside a ladies toilet?? Outside the nearest multiplex?? And how will I filter the applicants and select them? How come other guys get HOT females without advertising....Do I need to use some marketing skills??? Should I put up another ad saying " NO Problem, if U like staying NAKED".

As I hear and see everything, I can only say that I am entirely in a male world. Is this the end of my heterosexual road? My mom hates seeing me with girls. Wonder what people want.As I lay on my bed, every night I wonder, what if humans were unisexual?
That is, there was only one class(aka sex) and then there would be no more desperation and no more diversions..there would be no one standing in front of you hand in hand and leg between leg with their partner..... Unilke what most people think, life is short..really short, ...two more years down the line, my required organs might get rusted and wasted....seee...this ...is precisely the reason why a few people go around raping eligible females...they do not know how to put up ads and invite people...If only I was a T.V. star, it would ahve been a different story.. But then, can I avoid the stupid sting operation??? what if I was a writer? A young fiction writer with a strong philosophical background, like Salman rushdie?How about one of those photographers who shoot models "artistically"?? not a bad choice for a career...Earlier, as people told me, I thought perseverance was the answer...BUt now the answer is clear and is ringing in my head.. Beware HOT eligible females, if u happen to pass on a lonely road...Lusus naturae might be lurking around the corner. Kindly do not carry anything sharp, electric or/and dangerous...As I have but one life..And kindly use the keyword--"Scoot", if you are not willing to submit thyself to the great Lusus.
All Married,fat, females kindly excuse.
Other females, though, not too hot, too are invited for the offer and an occasional glow of care, affection,love and scant brain might just turn out to be the best combination.

My Duffel Bag--Attempt no.2

Plz note that the first time I wrote this post, the computer restarted at a time such that I hadnt writen the whole post, to feel sad and not re write it, but not so quickly that I din complete a page atleast...Keeping my fingers crossed and hoping this one gets posted.

The travel back home was my longest journey inside a bus ever and was certainly devoid of all the normal paranormal events I keep having. Of course, a few things can never stop happening,So.....

This cute lil'cat was purring and brushing against my feet. So, I patted it's head and kept patting it for a long time. What struck me real odd was that whatever the postion the cat was in, it's tail was always perpendicular to the horizon. Small purring cats.....A danger??...not much...So, curiosity got the better of me and I also was interested from a long time to make cats sway their tails left and right like dogs do when they are happy. So, I pushed it's tail a bit to the left, back to the original position and then to the right. After a few tries, I thought the pendulam affect would make the tail move automatically and Suddenly, it moved....All by itself. I was so happy that I wanted to gift the cat a biscuit but it already had plans for me.Pouncing on my hand, it bit my little finger and went behind a femme's feet.Though I wasnt hurt physically, looking at the *rare* heavenly femme petting the cat, hit me straight in my heart.

Anyway, once the rickety bus screeched out lifelessly I could not imagine it running again. Now, I realized why listening to parents is good...another 300 and I would have been going in a top class volvo with hot chicks all around.Getting aboard it, I had my first look at the ticket which said A.Now, what could A mean?? This bus was huge and surely had more than 26 seats so A cannot be the first seat.. My bright brain also told me that A perhaps meant an A class seat for A class people, or in my words, A WINDOW seat.. Dashing to the most comfortable one I could find, I pushed in all my luggage in thos little compartments above the head and waved at my parents.

Now, my father has s lot of affection for me, but he normally does not wave his hand so vigourosly.For a moment, I thought even I should do that ....But then , I realized he wasnt waving me gud bye...He wanted to tell me something..So, I went out and asked him and he fired" Why are you sitting there?"
I said coolly" A seat, the seat with the window"
He told me to ask the conductor once and confirm. So I asked him whether an A seat meant an A class once or not. He looked at me and asked" first time train chohd ke bus chad rahe ho kya?" is bus mein class nahi hote...A B C D are the first four seats and next come 1,2,3,.....
Well...whatever..So, I shifted back to the first seat to notice "Latest Hot girl" in the next seat...As the bus rattled it's way through an empty road, I wondered whther it was the wind pushing the bus or was there really something behind the hood that kept gulping fuel like water. Now, suppose you are offered a free ice cream...The flavour you like..But the one who has offered it to you is not a great aquaintance.. The sort of the situation where you think twice before accepting..Now, kindly do not make assumptions that go like Wat must the chick have offered him? or vice- versa..It was pure eye candy and atleast once a minute, just like an android, my head automatically turned 90 degrees to the right, then had a glance from the top to the bottom and then kept turnin as though exercising my neck.

The next halt we got down at was for dinner at around 11:30 pm and I wasnt up for any food. So, I settled on a half-broken roadside bench and smoked after a long long time. Then,I tried to recall all the tips my parents gave me right from the morning repeating every one hour. One of them was, keep emptying your kidneys as soon as you get a chance. So, I dashed to the toilet. Now, there were two signs outside this one, the above one said men and the below one women..There was one door which was around 3 metres inside and one door right near the board. I thought the higher sign should go for the nearest, but then ...very luckily I decided to go nearer and check both.the far away door was the guys toilet and cleaning myself, I got back to my bench place to find out the LHG(latest Hot Girl) was sitting there. I said to myself, here's another chance ...dun screw up
Walking up to her, I asked whther I could sit on the bench and guess what...I din get slapped, nor did I get a cold "take the middle one look".It was a nice friendly smile which said in the voice of a fairy, "kyon nahin?"

thinking about it, now I must say kyon nahin..Everyone has the right to sit naa...But anyway, tht was a good way to start along a conversation starting from my heroic past and ending up with the worst thing I could ever think of.
"The guy sitting in the next seat is my husband"
Next, My cell fone has stopped working now and I havent yet called out my parents..
And more importantly, I have had an "eventful" 1 day trip to Abu..And I really want to tell ya all about it specially about Purna Chand "Darshan", the guy born with a twisted brain.
P.S.
About the heading, I hate air bags and all the other suitcases and other kinds of things, so I bought this cloth made bag,a long time ago that looks like a sack and stuffed all my clothes into it. My mother has a long time hate and hate relationship with this bag and so warned me that if I brought back the bag next time, I would have to leave without it. Not heeding to anyone's voice me and my love, my bag, have completed the journey ...

lotsa gr8 incidents at DAKC to be penned down...Lukin forward to get bak to college to do it at leisure..
And a few tips my mom gave me, wen she saw tht girls sms and call me...I really wanna know if all moms r like dat....
1. Luk at girls with Sisterly concern.
2. Do not get cozy with anyone
3. do not involve in private convos with anyone.
4. Lavvuu..givvu is all hype, STAY AWAy

Happy Lusus has been given a LONG LONG counselling session and now HAPPY lusus has his happiness fading out...

Lusus, MumBoy

1.Observation: Eye Catchy, leg showy...and lots and lots of showy showy clothes on display on girls
Inference: The Richer they get the lesser they cover their skin.
Also. Richness is inversly proportional to Cloth size.

2.Aim:To Get a HOT girl to talk ...
Observation: All hot girls come with monster guys with colorful hair and rippin muscles
Inference: it is better to sit at home and watch T.V.

3.Aim: To study for RI
observation: the book is too boring and T.V too interesting
Inference: Whatever you desire you do, whatever you are supposed to do, you never do it.

4.Aim: To get some Company from people already in Mumbai
observation: most people already have their own friends and are too busy and do not even like to meet losers
Inference: Please read the inference no.2

Anyway, I have been sleepin most day every day all day in Mumbai with nuthin to do and no one to meet and no place that I know ....So, it's been pretty boring and so finally I am gonna get bak to college asap.

Lemme remind everyone of a summary of all the incidents I had during the last few days.
1. TRAINCiDeNT: We somehow stumble our way to the station an then have a look at the platform where our train is supposed to arrive.it looked like the remains after another godra minus blood stains...People everywhere people sleepin people pooping..Ppl Ppl PPl...V find some broker guy who promises us tickets fro 370 and thus v get'em and make it for Mumbai, not forgettin the long wait for the panda guy and poor Akshat gettin it on his nerves....
2. Bak to Mumbai: After leadin people to their respective destinations, I got on the wrong bus and lost my way and reached some other place...So, I had to get back to andheri in an auto then get abus from there to my home somehow...
3. Puja: 1 family already peformin same puja in the temple..V reach a bit late an my father's angry tht v may b missin all da blessin...An then, v sit a bit far away from the idol and so, every time he says some key word, we are supposed to throw flowers and we needed to aim and fire the flowers so that they hit the target properly.
4. puja part 2: This priest guy needs to tell us a story to end the puja and v r telugu and the otehr family kanad, so this priest is confused. for the first five mins, he uses both languages, then he concludes tht hindi is da bst evn tho he dsnt know it.
5. My foot is swollen and fat. This cute girl steps on it and I din even look at her ...Just shouted straight at her till she turned back...gave a genunine looking apology...and trotted back to the platform :(
6. I got mugged by 8 dogs on my way back from the cyber cafe.
7. I found out that I am my own best friend.
8. Now I am Happy and Sleepy...
More to come....U Sad Morons ..U need more sleep