Hair Everywhere

first came sea creatures and then evolved frogs and from, them, slowly, but steadily,and using either Darwin's or Spencer's theory of evolution, cells grew into many cells and many cells into organisms and these were apes.....
Apes were huge, scary and full of hair..they are very cheerful and hungry creatures(from what I saw in a zoo)..All of them look more or less the same and their heads too work the same way...
And then out of nowhere, stepped into the clean world, us homos(s for sapiens and not sex) .

And then, apparently the world changed and everything developed rapidly....And then, when apes changed into humans, (this is my theory of evolution), they must have run through a spot on earth with some beam, which converts them into smaller creatures by shrinking them and reduces their hair density and the beam affects their brain adversly giving them a lot of I.Q.

And now, comes the question I wanted to ask, if apes are humans with hair and without brains, ...shudnt humans be apes with brains and without hair???? Why do we still have scant hair everywhere and dense hair at the least required areas...????
I never understand why I need hair above my head...Does it, cool my head like the fan on a processor??? Does it hide something unknown to the world, that just lies above my head???

And what is the use of all those long stinky hairs in the armpits??? Is it to cushion ur shoulders if your arm slams onto your chest rapidly???Or is it like a mini sofa for the hand???

And what about all the hair all over the body...those small strands that are present everywhere....?they all look like grass waiting to be mowed...

And what about the hair all over the crotch?? For heaven's sake, we already are wearing underwear to hide the thingies ....whats the need for all that hair...?? and ever wondered how much it pains if those hairs get stuck between your undies???

Anyway, I wanted to introduce my own theory of world progression:::

Humans came first...They started eating all they could find...and screwed like doggies and multiplied themselves very soon....And as this went on, because they did no work, there had to be some way to lose all their energy they got by eating grass,...So, hair started growing on them..And slowly they turned into apes...And apes in turn fell into water because of their clumsy hands and turned into alligators which when rolled into sand or sea beds turned into fishes....Now, when any ape ate such a fish, it turned into an ape with spikes...(like a porcupine)....And soon, these porcuapes, turned due to the heat into all kinds of apeosaurs when too much heat and light cause all of the aposauruses to faint and turn back into plains apes..A few of them survived the blow ...but though they copulated with apes, they could not multiply....And thus, apes ruled the earth...But, soon, due to the heat and the dryness, the apes scratched themselves so much, that their whole body got sore.....
So, all apes tried using pantene pro v with extra vitamins for the hair and this turned them into bald but wiser apes.....And that is how humans came back to the planet.......