The hourGlass

Every morning at around 8, gets up a disturbed soul and wanders aimlessly till lunch time..Post lunch, it is lab time and lab means browsing essentially...There is no room to change clothes..no room for myself..No Room...for a guy who needs a room...AAArggghhh!!! When will I get my own room in the hostel??
Anyway, Here's wat I av been thinkin of over the few days:
1. u r born
2. If u r a guy, parents save money for ur education
else
if u r a girl, parents save money for ur marriage
else
infanticide.
3. U r growing slowly..
4. U go to school and read about what gandhiji did for the country and what hitler did for nothing
5. U also are told of the great poets and their masterpieces when u cant make out shit!!
6. All these are meant to be subtle hints as to where our future lies...
7. Post-class 10th, school is done away with..Come Inter or 11th
8. If u have a life, take MPC or BPC..i.e. engineer or doctor..
9. done with ur 12th, go complete ur engineer's degree or go become a doc
10.Now that u r an engineer or a doctor, go find a job where the last 20 years of ur work is irrelevant and do it...And enjoy life
11. I am out of this...I need some expert guidance to get a great career...Any suggestions??
P.S- I dont hav a Pc and so I dont blog frequently..

Edit:
P.S- I dont hav a Pc Anymore and so I dont blog frequently..

Repeat...SOS...SOS

The severe shortage of movies expected to be good and the string of unknown movies releasing so frequently just couldnt stop me from seeing 2(do in hindi) movies I will never forget...
1. Maine Pyar kyon kiya
Scene 1,In comes Catrina in a lingerie and turns on the gas valves of her stove and then goes back to bed like nothing happened..camera goes through the wall to show the next door neighbour...An ultra modern house with heavy rap music in the background...and in between the rap comes another tune that I keep humming all day...Mohan Pyareee...ta ta taaa daa....Sab Ki maaare...ta ta taaaaa..Daaaaa.....Loop..Enter So-hail Khan, checking his armpits and then realising that it is not his fart that is smelling so bad...Next follows a balcony-to-balcony jump sequence followed by Sohail Khan's amazing break-a-window trick and then the switching off of gas...Sohail Khan then enters bedroom 1 and checks girl in lingerie..Girl in lingerie wants someone to hug her and Sohail Khan saves her life, eats an apple and goes back to sleep...

People might get just too involved in the first scene that they may forget that there is still some start cast leftover...Salm0n Khan, in this world with scant females, always gets hot chicks with bone problems and always ends up running away from them....Sush is his [b]HOT[/b](read bold) assistant and woah!!! Sagar is already asleep...Girl in lingerie calls Salm0n and Salmon throws his shirt off before going to some beach for the not-the-worst-song of the movie....Next when I am made to open my eyes forcibly with a loud hindi rap whenever Salmon appears.. Doctorrrrr Doctorr.....Dil ka Dooocturrrr.....(For people who cant find it catchy and rhymy, write to me I'll hum it and send it personally in a wav file).Next comes the "Coooooooooooooolest" song of the entire year...Just Chilll...Chill..Just chill...Wonder how I used to assume that good chicks can always make you continue living happily however bad your life is...But this movie has given me knowledge..One that you can get only by watching the entire movie..However, I wasnt entitled for Nirvana as some unknown force forced me off the hall even before the first half ended..go watch it and vote for it as the most informative movie and try to get it to the oscars please...
2. Dusssssssssss( ten in english)........Zayed Khan finds a bomb under a car..Camera Change...Abhishek Bachan finds Shilpa Shetty in trouble..Four people surrounding her with guns..Camera Change..Sanjay Dutt on roof top of same building..bachan wants to frag two and tells Dutt so..so that their frags are still high...But Dutt is better off with his jumping off the building and shooting with a pistol skills than Bachan with his Sniper skills..And bachan has to make do with a single frag..Zayed Khan tells bachan..There is no red wire here...In our training, we were taught to cut red wires....Innovative solution, 1.apply ...not ur head, but chewing gum all over the bomb and 2.cut any wire and ..Lo and behold..the bomb is diffused..
Code word-"Jeet"..used by half brother of osama to kill 20k innocent people in a football match between ...Close your eyes...India and Canada...
P.T.O for unravelling the Dus mystery

Unemployment And the Brave Indian Youth

The Brave Indian Youth sleeps at 12 o' clock sharp and wakes up early in the morning, has an early shower and then a long fitness procedure. goes back to sleep only to be awakened by strange voices and human warnings!!!
This has no CPI limits!!! Let's go and take this one!!!!
HP global soft.....The all renowned prestigious company is here folks...And it is here to take the tailenders..All those people who couldnt make it anywhere can find shelter here...So, get up and hang out ur umbrella!!!
Up is the India youth again at 12:40 IST pm, only to realize that the exam is at 1pm "SHARP"..and so, the Indian Youth uses his stealh power to find his way into an empty room and steal a pen, a pencil and then heads back to the LT for the exam.
The brave Indian Youth has no mood whatsoever to write for something he would never want to join in..But the great India Youth has to be sportive and so, the great Indian youth in all his glory, in a jazzy violet tee and a dead fade jeans, parades into the LT and picks a cozy place to move his hands for the next two hours...MOre than 250 lambs along with this brave Youth and still he remains calm , composed and too happy...


Till the first question is asked by a lanky guy, who was least interested in talking to people and most interested in lookin outside the door.....Does every one have his smart card?? 2 seconds gap..Message repeat...
Prof. Asim Banerjee is requested to carry on the no-ID card Q. And he requests people without an ID card to raise their hands.. Now that the Q was raised, I started to think about why I did not bring my ID card. My Id card is always in my wallet...And my wallet is always in my pant...But money is never in my wallet..And my wallet is never for any use...So, two days ago, I decided to stash my wallet in the almirah rather than carry it around like a dumb ass...And now!!! wanted to lift my hand!! Or rather, I was told or ordered to lift it..Now, u can always take a horse to water, but u can never make it drink or something like that..And so, I never lifted my hand and finally he declared that he recognized everyone and there was no need of any autherntication..
Tension no.2 aka Q. no.2: Does each guy here have atleast 58% ?? I thought there was no barrier and of course I dont,because when there are three courses on your head, then your head starts to function a bit slowly I guess....Only people above 58% are eligible..now, I do not want your job HePa..I am bored and GTa is hard..I thought exams in AC were fun and so I came down..But how could I put this across???I wanted to make a run for it..but ..but...there were people all around and so I looked at everyone with my natural foolish smile as though she was asking the most silliest question I ever heard....
Next comes banerjee boy and clarifies that there is no limit...And in comes an imaginary sense of elation...Yey!!!I am Qualified!!!!!!I am Qualified enough to attend an exam with no bars required...
two hours and lots of circle shading later, People are told to attach their cv with the answer sheet....Sheet.....SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!Dont these companies realize that everyone of us uploads there resumes for these guys to see at some webpage?? Why do we need to hand them out print outs?? Dont they realize deforestation is the primary cause of environmental pollution??? ANd dont they realize that pollution causes chokin and how about this....I am already choking..Yes!1 i forgot my cv....Now, even this thing is spared and then, we are made to wait for 3 long hours after which I am allowed to walk out gracefully out of the room as my name never appeared in any page!!!

Now, those 3 hours from the exam end to the results!!! I was tensed and waiting!!! waiting and hoping that I do not get selected!! I had no pair of formal shoes, clothing or files or any certificates for that matter......I was formerly formal!!!
And about the great iNDIAN youth......U just wait people....I'll mint my own money and this is not about sour or grapes or something!!!!I am happy in what I am ..And I can always make myself Happier ...So, :p to u

Job Ahoy!!!!!

Finally comes the evening of Sunday, the day MindTree(A weird name for a company that can work well...Maybe it's like the mind growing like the branches of a tree) sets foot on campus and gives a pleasant lecture to people about it's ever increasing requirements. One hundred and twenty....thats the number they wanted...Now every 3 pointer was so happy that people already started swimming in imaginary money. come the exam, I bet it was a piece of cake...none to complain, none to compliment(Well, I didnt write it, so it's just another guess)..Out come people, and soon, out come the results and guess what? Out of the 240 people that wrote, only 69 get selected for the interview procedure...---Time to realize the standard of our IIT ++ college folks..We never have been taught anything...Well, mostly...In comes a prof to a class, enjoys the attention he gets for an hour and out he goes, back to his cabin,to get some good old snooze time.. Anyway, all apart, I bet no one would have ever imagined 240 trim faces with neatly presed shirts and pants tagged along with formal shoes and a nervous look....And of course, curious glances at why I am still wearing my t-shirt and pyjamas(I need to explain it to every other guy that I am not eligible)
Oh..As I was saying, Everyone wants a job....Well, If i had a better GPA, maybe I too would have done the same...But essentially, is this the end of everything?? You are given a desktop and a desk and some thrash to dump properly and you just keep dumping????I bet this is why there are so many programmer guys in the world and so so many many companies ...
What is not obvious to me is does everyone just go....go for some job?? Arent there people who want to kep studying??Learning..?? Or people who want to make money all by themselves...

Anyway, All the rain has brought a billion mosquitos and I killed atleast 45 and Rahul has competed equally...
Joyous people, sad people, people like people, people unlike people, everyone will be out there now at the canteen telling about what was the problem with the panel they were interviewed by and why the panel is incompetent ....I ...can say only one thing..Go take off your pants and check if you still have your balls!!!!!

All my life I have cruised through without much work...This is where the cruising thingie stopped..It's a camel ride now..And I am almost falling off..But I am still riding folks...And If ever I get off, it'd rather be for golden shoes and not just hawaii slippers...

The 'D' factor

Now this is a totally new and emerging factor and has become one of the most famous syndromes at college..
More info: full name -d2 factor
scientific name - De wingio 1st floorio facterio
Caused due to the shift, not of any winds or rain, but of most people that are and speak telugu, this factor forces everyone that speaks telugu to stay together and bond like gel.It has caused the shift of six couples(pairs to be specific, that is people and their roomies) into the first floor of the D wing and now that means out of the meager 18 rooms that the wing has, 9 or more rooms are spammed with them.
I, personally, love talking to and living with these people. I have had great friends among them, but, somewhow, there is some other factor missing, which just throws me out of their circle and still leaves me a foreigner.....
May be I am not very friendly,may be I maintain my own space, whatever it be, I do not believe in all good friends staying together to make a huge happy family. There are others in the college...240 people in total to be specific..Arent the others good enough to be great friends???
what sin have all the north Indians commited that they too, along with me,stand outside the circle??
Me?? Yes!! I have got problems...I am too commanding, take everything for granted...But, I never hate my life..I still remember this huge fight that took place about two years ago, when around 30-40 people from A.P, went around wrestling some 'negative' people and beating life out of them. People were called for and recruited for this job...I did not turn up for it..I was never up to take up sides..I have always been a neutral watcher..or may be ..I hav already had enough violence in life...May be that's where the rift begins...Each day I see, that whenver I go along with 3-4 of these guys, they keep talking among themselves and I am the last questuoned to or answered to...Not that it matters a lot to me, if people swarm all around me and keep me high, but I believe in the democracy factor....Sharing equal warmth with everyone till you understand, that he/she is unlikely to be likeable.....
Oh...Oh...Arghhhhhhhh......
May be, I am hateable...Now, people who are hated do not realize that they are hated..Maybe I am cut off coz they never found me likeable...
Anyway, getting back to the D-factor, the D-factor is a constant source of high amplitude noise to all those people who do not understand telugu and a high source of entertainement to those who do..Accompanied by grouping up of everyone into a single room, and then reciting of some knowledge from some book, the D factor grows over most A.P. people and kills the ears of most non-AP guys..
The Un-D factor
Negelction of people from the D factor...caused by, well...I at this moment, have no reasons.
bUt, I can make up a few for sure,...
the Un-D factor is not about undies or underwears..
It is much more intense and related to the way you are welcomed into rooms..If everyone turns their head for a smile, you are in the D circle
If a few do that, then you might get in..
If no one bothers about u, U are now affected with the Undie virus...Prevention is better than cure..
more about the A.P guys from my college(remember that, though I am not in the D- factor, I still am one of them)
They play games.
They play football.
They eat together, which to me, is the best way to socialize.
Each one has his own life and no one talks about much about the girl he likes.
Most people dress similarly.
They are uterly brand conscious.
They hate glittery clothes and when I wear green or orange I am looked at thoroughly.
Some of them just keep going through life without having to do anything.
They take up an enormous time for the act of leg pulling.
Most of them cant be down right blunt.
Most of them have opened up from their buds here, in college.

i keep thinking, if I was the guy entering a room and I was also a guy, who was inside the room, a guy full of the d-factor, how would I see the old me??with a hi?? no.....I'd just be thinking...hey!!what the hell!! this @#$% is back... And there, the stupid old me, unware of evil intentions would shout "Hi be", and a nod followed by the new me, proposing to be understood to the old me that the new me is too busy and the old me just stares as someone else runs in, greetings follow and a long conversation too...

I need some drink.Have a nice Day.
Amen

Hair Everywhere

first came sea creatures and then evolved frogs and from, them, slowly, but steadily,and using either Darwin's or Spencer's theory of evolution, cells grew into many cells and many cells into organisms and these were apes.....
Apes were huge, scary and full of hair..they are very cheerful and hungry creatures(from what I saw in a zoo)..All of them look more or less the same and their heads too work the same way...
And then out of nowhere, stepped into the clean world, us homos(s for sapiens and not sex) .

And then, apparently the world changed and everything developed rapidly....And then, when apes changed into humans, (this is my theory of evolution), they must have run through a spot on earth with some beam, which converts them into smaller creatures by shrinking them and reduces their hair density and the beam affects their brain adversly giving them a lot of I.Q.

And now, comes the question I wanted to ask, if apes are humans with hair and without brains, ...shudnt humans be apes with brains and without hair???? Why do we still have scant hair everywhere and dense hair at the least required areas...????
I never understand why I need hair above my head...Does it, cool my head like the fan on a processor??? Does it hide something unknown to the world, that just lies above my head???

And what is the use of all those long stinky hairs in the armpits??? Is it to cushion ur shoulders if your arm slams onto your chest rapidly???Or is it like a mini sofa for the hand???

And what about all the hair all over the body...those small strands that are present everywhere....?they all look like grass waiting to be mowed...

And what about the hair all over the crotch?? For heaven's sake, we already are wearing underwear to hide the thingies ....whats the need for all that hair...?? and ever wondered how much it pains if those hairs get stuck between your undies???

Anyway, I wanted to introduce my own theory of world progression:::

Humans came first...They started eating all they could find...and screwed like doggies and multiplied themselves very soon....And as this went on, because they did no work, there had to be some way to lose all their energy they got by eating grass,...So, hair started growing on them..And slowly they turned into apes...And apes in turn fell into water because of their clumsy hands and turned into alligators which when rolled into sand or sea beds turned into fishes....Now, when any ape ate such a fish, it turned into an ape with spikes...(like a porcupine)....And soon, these porcuapes, turned due to the heat into all kinds of apeosaurs when too much heat and light cause all of the aposauruses to faint and turn back into plains apes..A few of them survived the blow ...but though they copulated with apes, they could not multiply....And thus, apes ruled the earth...But, soon, due to the heat and the dryness, the apes scratched themselves so much, that their whole body got sore.....
So, all apes tried using pantene pro v with extra vitamins for the hair and this turned them into bald but wiser apes.....And that is how humans came back to the planet.......

All I could see was endless darkness and there I was falling deeper and deeper without someone just above me, who kept on banging me with a hammer...I thought I needed to hold onto something to stay alive and started groping around and suddenly....thud, I was on my bed and outside the room, the gardener was making some weird sounds which made me have nightmares....
This afternoon, I was determined to get my fone repaired some or the other way and so I set off on my kinetic with PC at the back...I was really careful not to cross 60 and so glided smoothly but soon, I was back to my original angry driver form, shoutin mercilessly at everyone and making way out of nothing....
I love speedin over brdges and now there was a bridge in about a 100 meters and so I started my way up when I spotted a teenager type kid with a cycle in his hands looking the other way..I thought he was trying to find something he had lost or something and so kept going when suddenly he sped right perpendicular to me at a speed ....(as chacha chaudhary says...) faster than a computer...And He was all over us when we were a meter away from him.....This was when I remembered the game I have been busy with since the whole week GTA(grand theft auto San Andreas), I drove my unicorn(my kinetic with the left mirror broken in the last accient) to the extreme left avoiding him by a hair's width(or perhaps more appropriately my hair's length),whistling past him, now everything looked like it was all GTA GTA GTA...
Making way between two trucks.... Bike Skill++++
Taking vehicle to petrol pump walking....Stamina++
Braking just in front of a cycle...Insane stunt bonus+++ 500$, wonder when I'll get it
Anyway, coming back to real life ...
I saw a board which read Nokia in huge letters with the same shade of blue and so we tottered in and asked the guy whether this is the service center I was lookin for...
He said ,"yes, we repair fones here"
I inferred" this is the center"
real Inference:" This is con man 1"
So, I handed the fone to him which he immediately broke up into multiple parts and told me that my phone was soaked and the warranty will not cover it and that he will service the phone first to check if that will make it work..


And he told us to come back in 15 mins,...when we got back he told us that the washing of the phone and keeping back all parts will cost 150 rupees and told us that it was working now!!!!Checking it, I found it still read" Insert SIM card" and he says
" your SIM has a high voltage and so it's not working....., It is a hardware problem and it'll cost more ...come back after an hour"
One hour of Nothing later, He says..."It'll take time ..."
I said..."well, shouldnt it be covered under warranty?""
And he says" The service centre is across the road..."
Fuming over the guy we went down and to the service center...
And BTW,
In the middle of all this....we went to a pan shop while we were whiling time away, when PC was fascinated by all those pistol shaped lighters and I was eying cigars, when PC asked for a sweet pan and after gulping it down, he asked the shop guy, "fone ...fone..???"
Now, this was something weird...what happened? As I was wondering what to do, Pc said again" mera fone mera fone....neeche hogaa" when the shopkeeper retrieved his fone from behind a desk....When PC was gulpin his paan, the shop guy grabbed the fone and hid it in a second and now claimed that he was saving the fone from gettin stolen....
Anyway, finally we reached the service center, only to realize that that thing closes down at 6:00 pm and it was already 6:06 pm...
If bad luck ever stops kissing, I can give up my life for it :(

God hates Us(my feet)

Hi!!!! We are Lusus Naturae's feet!!! We are huge....Very huge compared to the normal average human feet!!!!We cannot fit ourselves into most footwear and so have our own range of footwear..We hate Raj and his hopeless addiction to football!!!! Every evening around 6, he uses us to hit around a huge globe, but more often ends up hitting other's feet or the ground!! We are hurt and swollen!!!
Last week, Raj was taking us and Arvind's feet too to sector 16 in Gandhinagar when we overheard Arvind talking about going fast as there were only 3 minutes left...Lusus sped up like there was no tomorrow and Wusssshhh!!!!!! Tank's empty...Now, Lusus balanced on us again and we were so angry that we decided that enuf was enuf!! we needed some rest in our lives...So we tore up one of our own clothing(slippers,for the layman) and so Lusus was stranded on the road whilst Arvind forced his feet to move the vehicle and get some petrol!!!
And now!! we have brand new hawaiin clothes(hawaii chappal, for the layman) worth 125 rupees..Next day when playing football, Lusus seemed extraordinarily fast and graceful!!!!And suddenly he ran us straight up a 2 centimetered thorn!!! After two hours of struggle, he finally did get it out!! But I bet this was his ay of revenge on us!! Lusus , we hate u....But, we are ready to change our stance if we get a good pair of female feet to gore!!!

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As I hold the end of my pyjamas to keep them from falling down, and walk as slowly as I can to prevent the rain water from splish-splashing on me, A sense of weakness overtakes me. This has been my favourite pyjama since about 3 years.. It has seen all the places in ahmedabad and gandhinagar and is now getting old!!! Soon it may tear out somewhere and that .......Boo hooo....

Transporter, not a very famous movie, I guess, I was watching that when my eyes were reluctant to see and ears, to hear...So, I slept in front of the monitor...And I never felt like I was sleeping...I went gliding into time and when I opened my eyes, I was the first guy to wake up in the summer internship Tejgadh, ChiChodh room!!!what a wonderful experience it was...
Just imagine, if time was just like distance...U could traverse back and forth as you want and this is something I copied straight from "slaughter house five"--A must read for people who have no other work and end up reading my blog!!!

Nothing much that I can talk about is going to happen these few days(till the job giving aka pig checking thing starts), so till then I have this master plan for hibernating away from the world of desire,fun,orkut and blog. But, before I start my regular bullshit again, I need to say just one thing...Life is the most precious thing ever..And enjoying and laughing away every moment is the aim of life....Holding up all your happiness for the future will never work...Who knows, till when one is going to stay in this place......Whenever I try to put this through to people, they are never ready to hear....Whatever power governs life is not kind, nor forgiving.....Live Life King Size....And Bharath, There must be some mistake somewhere......

The last post has been edited.Check.