in win, out doubt

for the uninitiated, fashion has sinked in a BIG way in all kinds of people. When it has set into me, it has set into everyone can be a safe assumption. And so I walk down the road, thinking about whether my sweatshirt matches with my shoes, whether white socks are too weird or are they fine, whether a certain color 'X' which I shall not mention is 'in' this season or not.

Speaks. Speaks that I have too much time left on my hands these days when I am looking at blogs, making comments, checking my social network, calling people, lifting the phone when people call, It is a change. A change I have not predicted. A rare moment of being silent when you think about what you have been thinking and you think that what you have been thinking about is not worth it. And then you think whether you can think like that or not. And this hierarchy keeps going until sweet sleep takes over.

They tell me hip-hop is in. I listen to hip-hop. what is hip-hop? Hopping your hip all over the place. I am better off looking at a certain subset of the society hopping their hips. They tell me Akon is cool, rather Akon is kewl is what they say. I see and listen to Smack that, make a futile attempt to memorize the lyrics and maki it look cool.(kewl). Wearing oversized clothes is out. Dark clothes in. The darkest piece of cloth I have is my underwear. Superman is here folks!!!!


What else is in? to me, in my own context? LIFE is in. Do what you want, life it your way, sing the worst song, sing the loudest, make those poor neighbours either deaf or go mentally unsound, vomit on the next girl you see, pee on most expensive car you see come back to your room, face shining in glee at the happy things done. Break glasses, throw stones, just be careful not to hit me as I am the motivator.

fake=feku

Hey! he is faking it.
Must be a fake.

How about...
feku hai bahu badaa
fek raha hai

So, is fake the origin for 'feka raha hai' in our bindaas waala hindi?

Let this Moment live

As we go without a pause aging day after day after day, do we realize that somewhere sometime we thought we would have time for ourselves when we would ponder about why we are alive and what we need to do. For more people than ever, the moment keeps coming more often. So, it does to me to. And so, it did to me to. And I decided to think about it and see what I can do.

A change? a revolution? pleasing everyone? revenge? peace? what message do I carry to my grave? Time will certainly uncover the mystery but not before I realize it is too late which exactly is by the way what I do not want.

I want to move ahead and improve upon my self. my future self. Is that all?
Seeking something so meager , something that is not possible, atleast yet. I can never know myself.

Rarely do I look at a mirror. Upon close observation I realize, I do not sound like I look. I do not act like my look. I look unmatched to my personality. Then, I record my voice in a vain attempt to recover some ego. My voice falters. It does not suit me, not my personality. What is it that is right was what I started thinking. Humans can never compare themselves. Self-improvement without self assessment. Hopeless?
Still, lets see

Help Me referencees

EDIT- Pondicherry for freshers guided by Praneet
Cafe la Luna
Hotel Surguru
Biryani from anjappar (curtesy your truly)
Drinks with match: Promenade pool side looking over bay of bengal
Dinner - Rendezvous

-----------------
Mahabalipuram:
Lunch- Seaside Restaurant
Drinks : Ajanta Seaview again overlooking Bay of Bengal

--------------------

Bakery
New Creation Corner
Cafe La Luna Rouge
Paradise Pizzeria

----------------------

La terrase : Brunch
Chunnambar Boat Club + Paradise Beach
Daily Bread Bakery
Anjapaar
--------------
--------------------------previous
Cafe De Luna or la?
----breakfast@?
some swamy?---?
Dinner - Promenade/Home
Mahabalipuram-
Lunch-nil
Dinner-that restaurant with french people

-------
Bakery
Croissant
New Creative Corner
Farm Fresh
Cafe la Luna Le Rosa
Paradise Hotel
------
lunch@ day la exit?
dinner: same some swamy?
-----
Bangalore:
Forum Transit
KFC
McDonalds
Taika's

dustbin

dustbin
it should rather have been a dustbeen as dust must have been somewhere before you put it in the dustbeen. and dust is(be) nowhere now.

Uprooting Gallas and Uplifting the Country

The CISM games behind my college have brought in a good deal of popularity and curiosity. And with comes the sense of pride, ego et al. So, come the police bigwigs, off they search for miscreants in the absence of whom, the huge police force which has been entirely devoted for the ten day event have sleepless nights due to lack of people to torture and hence they fall back to the old faithful,.. the galla and uproot it to the root, leaving just the std booth as the rest, they say is an eyesore. Go India Go! What was that again? India shining?

This followed by our dear president on the opening day of the same who decided to spend time looking at the proceedings,(the fireworks to be precise) and left almost an hour after her scheduled time thus hampering all traffic from reaching their destinations while her 24 car contingent sped away imagining how peaceful and empty the road is, little could they imagine why hundreds of motorists where standing on all sides of the road...or maybe she thought everyone wants a bit of the ghost caller president. we need the ghost busters here please.

this is followed by the new rules in IIIT which shares a gate with the CISM host Gachibowli stadium which is now officially under jehadi threat. This leads to pressure which leads to new rules like, everything locked up by 1 am .Wonder if the terrorists are scared of terrorising in the day. Or perhaps, I heard someone say that army soldiers have high libido and IIIT might be in danger.whatever be the versions, I get up early morning for causes and results unconnected to me.

is it for real?

A caption I saw at Hi-Tech City

World Tourism Day
Tourism opens the Doors for women

Pardon me for my dirty mind, but what else could it mean?

A generation Apart?

A lot of the mind has developed based on its experiences in the last four years. Having learned to ogle at passing girls, having learned to get aroused by jugs,lurking around for the faintly female, avoiding the saintly female, it has been the life of a typical person with an Indian background but new ideas. So, straight to the point, what do we dream of? what are our aims?
Back in the seventies and eighties, people wanted jobs. the typical people, the middle class ones who had broken windows, had two pairs of clothes, had a bathroom behind the house and had either one fan or no fans. These people who have become parents have lived most of their life either looking for a job or saving the remaining salary in banks. Wifes,? it was obvious for them to cook and wait on their husband till night, when the warrior comes tired.

What about us? Looking for star jobs, looking for research, looking for star chicks...

We have a huge generation gap. And I believe if we had roots, these roots are decreasing by the day and shall stop somewhere in our life, followed by the next generation who will tear apart more roots, till finally the fully globalized citizen is born!

Leave it to the Lord

Huffing and Puffing, I put on a borrowed tee and wore the same jeans I had been wearinf sicne the last week. I was offered tea, but refused as was required. moving out of the apartment, I realized Mumbai had not changed since yesterday, or for that matter since a week... I walked the usual 200 to reach the auto stand and take an auto. DAKC, Dhirubai??? abbeyy..yaar ..knowledge...city...nahi pataa...????
kya, reliance???..chalo saaab..
So, thats how it goes. off I went to DAKC. Presented with closed gates and a gate pass for another posterior gate, I walked upto to DAKC's ass and crept inside to reach just outside gate one where I was supposed to report.

reported.
bhaito.
Bhaited.
he took me to a weighing machine. the kind, they weight rice sacks with. I was weighed in it....with an amazing accuracy to the 1st decimal place. and then, my height measure.

Next up, I was taken to a room...and told to do something that was unaudible till I made him repeat so many times that he finally shouted it in my ear. Well...Ok, easy with the flasks, ...Lots of them around, around two dozens. take an empty one and move out. looked easy.
Out with the flask, and then, left again into another dingy stuffy room. This one, called the private,(for staff only) room. looked clean inside, except for the occasional drops of glittering gold. Here, was my mission and my tool in my hand, i held.

Unzipping, I readied myself to perform the great urine collection, for te urine test. I exerted all the pressure I could, right on my solar plexus.. two drops squeezed out promptly. I was relieved that I could no longer see the bottom of the lfask. Content, I slipped it back where I took it from, writing my name on a paper below it. A loud and annoying gruntle later, the flask was handed over and I was commanded to urinate properly and in good quantity. I was shown a red band on the flash about an inch from the bottom, and I was supposed to fill up the void.

the void, with liquid from my empty kidneys. Drinking 15 glasses did not help. everyone sat, looked uninterested, but occasionally, it appeared as though everyone wanted that liquid, my pee, out.
i started wondering if had some urine infection.. I sat pressing my stomach, to push someliquid. I drank two glasses every minute, nothing seemed helpful. I was told to pee again in 15 mins. Off i ran inside, for a second attempt, this time peeing just as much as I did last time. running out, I ran into the radiology lab, got the tests done and found, I was half blind and my glasses tow years off date and then ran out, avoiding the eyes of an annoyed person who wanted more pee...

well...

omission9 asks: "For about 10 years I have worked mostly behind a desk in a cubicle and am starting to feel that this environment is making me miserable. The cheap fluorescent lights, the stuffy air, and the restless feeling I get from just sitting so long are starting to really annoy me. My background is mainly as a programmer but I started my career as a network engineer/network administrator. I am also a member of the US Naval Reserve and am cleared as high as Top Secret. Are there any jobs out there that match this sort of skill set (more or less programmer but generally excellent tech skills) that don't require being stuck behind a desk? Paying relatively well would be a major plus as would something that provides a solid career (20+ years of work). Is there anyone out there, from anywhere other than a cube farm, that may have some advice?"

from ---slashdot

well...what do we want to do? A nice big burglary? where is the action? join the movies? We are all dying omission9, let me know if you can crawl out so that I follow suit.

People think that one will always be there to help. Well, they may be right. But, in my case, they are wrong. I cannot live for you. Where is me? Where am I? Isnt there an entity that has preferences? that has likings and disliking? I have held them too far away from me. My feelings, my interests, I have given up everything in return for nothing. NOTHING.
And this nothing can end me. Hell!! I am not nothing. I am here as you see and perceive me. I am human. And to add more, I am a human who thinks, at times. So, the added perspective of thinking in perspectives leaves one confused. Stepping in other's shoes is not easy. All the shoes stink. And it becomes hard to face the fact that when thinking about you, people could be so merciless. And when you live with it and worry about the pain you might give to others, think of the pain they have given to you. Which was accepted without a reason. Without a thought, no we are no more part of an orthodox class system with duties towards life.What is the deeply injured bite doing? The scorpion was creeping on the body.The body chose to leave it. The scorpion looked good, nice red shiny armour. The scorpion chose a good spot. And bit the human. The poison reeling from the bite should make the human kill the pest. But, he makes no attempt to dislodge it. He waits till the scorpion has finished and has moved away. And then, he looks at his injury. It is a deep gash and the blood is flowing rapidly. The injury needs to be bandaged immediately. The man does not do it, he dies. The man who does it shall understand the importance of him, the individual. The one, the man who lives for himself. The man who will cut all the scorpions. The man who shall become the protaganist of any story, rather than the martyr deserving sympathy. He shall show tyranny to the world. He shall crush the world with one mighty blow. The world will keep looking. Again, the cycle continues. The power struggle and the struggle for attention and love will go on forever. People fervently keep looking for what they want. Every moment, people keep trying to drain the last drop of blood out. Yeah! prick me , come on...And look at your sorry self. You cannot stand up and I hold you. You leave me to death. I choose not to crumble. I simply choose what I have to. It is not a choice. Unlike what most people have, the ability to survive and let go of other things does not cross thy mind. The mind just wants to crush. Move out, or I can kill. I need no poison, I need just will. You do not need to tell me what I am, because I already know. You do need to stand by me, because I shall never wait. You need not come and heal, because I will get hurt. You can just take your victory home and leave me to my fight. That is my life.

I am perennial. I cannot end. No matter the wound, I do not pretend. I have lived long, but not enough. My mission not done, I will not move. Come and try, to hold my hand, but beware of the fingers, made of knifes. Beware of the face that oozes fire. Understand what I am and then take steps, I do not want to, but I can and I would.

Little left Toe

On its way, swaying to music, swinging around..About to kick an invader or threaten the air with a quick swish, the left leg turned. The door frame obstructed the movement as ever and poor little left toe got the hit completely on himself. A bit bent and a lot more swollen, little left toe.
I ned to get it checked, hope its not broken.
MORAL: you are either growing less aware of surroundings or growing old and slow. Beware of Both.

Snapshot

No moment in life will repeat itself. And each moment has its value. Memories, they say cannot suffice for a living. A quest, a zeal. The power to carry on after taking hit after hit after hit. Because life hits. And no one needs to come and hit. It will hit, the ones who carry on will carry on. The ones who wont will try to forget their emptiness.
Oh!, I was telling about how a moment is golden. Remember the last time you saw your mom. Can you? Do you respect your folks? if you do, can you relive the emotions now? I cannot. Need to keep moving, lest life might attack. Beware of the golden glove. Live every moment with so much reality that you do not need to hold another old crutch.

There are two ways of living. One, enjoying one big success. The other, keep going. There will be no end. I choose the latter. There will be nothing to be happy, nothing to be sad, nothing superficial but nothing really bad.I choose to live my life MY WAY.

Emotions should be helping rather than hurting. Look at the bigger picture, do it for them. for Them, if not for you. Show them their share of pride they get from your success.Go!

blogthing

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time.
You give and take equally in relationships.
You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time.
You're secretly hoping your partner will change for you.
You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

So says a blogthing about me. It is funny how it could tell me about myself in less than ten questions. But, how true is it? Who cares?
we live away for another day, not me, not today.

Dark clouds loom the sky. The stench of death is smellable. (there is no word for the ability to smell:Sunil). The only other creaute alive here is that poor ant or the prying lizard. I look twice before I decide this is not the right time and wait.
People are moving. Fast. Its like the game we used to play as kids-statue. I have just become that. NO motion, just looking at everything that happens. People love statues as statues are no threat to them. Howl, Zabimaru!!!!
Who can forget that half-hollow half-shinigami Ichigo? Losing all powers, he still had the will to fight. The will released his new unknown power.

The reiatsu can really be felt. Spirit power exists. And I believe I am gaining it back. Do you not feel a sense of something that is more powerful,comfortable and clear than others as it moves by? That is its spirit power, reiatsu.

When you are free of a small mental obstacle, it matters a lot to the mind. I found it true that I actually feel light. Calm, but enthusiastic.
I was made to wonder how I solve my problems. Now, I am thinking. I never tackle my problems. I just shove them away in a vault. And when they are unbearable, I try to move myself away. Not anymore, worst fears, come on-right on my face. I need organized progress. Or else, my mind remains ill at ease. My mind has been ill at ease since more than an year.

I wonder what people do all day. The computers have ruined life. And traces of it still fly in the air. I want to keep them together. Hold them and make them live again.

The desert with its golden dark sand,endless and complete. The delta with its rich flora and fauna, aptly called greenery. The first rains that wet the parched earth make the heart joyful. The little squirrel biting a nut makes one inquisitive. Life has been made to love. in the right way. The beauty of life can never end(females included). The obsession with the opposite sex is not justified. There is a limit in each kind of a pleasure. When obsession starts, one pleasure is gained at the cost of another. Living is a pleasure. A wholesome experience. The pain of realization is a pleasure. The touch of reality a pleasure. Be above the small intricacies and squabbles. Leave in peace.

S L O W

sometimes things happen so fast that you do not see them. And sometimes, they take so long that the effect is forever. You have a presentation in six months. The snail keeps moving in its attempt to reach the other end of the road. But, why the other end? it could get crushed easily in between. And it has no defense for itself. But, it keeps moving. Are we snails? Well, a bit more developed mentally and physically, so we need to think whether we need to cross. Or we need to cross because we see a more secure, clean life. The basic platform for survival.

The speakers blare out idle music. The music evaporates like smoke. They leave no effect. The mind is so occupied with nothing , that nothing takes over you.

I look at myself and admire my long hair. Perhaps a bath would do me good. I look for those dodging eyes at popular places. I leave those subtle hints which are established by time. I see no effect. I look at people asking if they are looking good. I nod a half-certain approval. People happy. Do I look good? It doesnt matter, does it? Will it be ok, if I look good because I think I do? After all, everyone around is trying to look good. Maybe looking good is good for the man in the society. Or, may be...just maybe,.... is looking good a stress buster? maybe once you look good you need not worry about looking good, once you are certain that is. How far are the people in their 3/4ths or ulta topis influencing me? Confusion. Scratch hair. Scratch hair on other places too. Scratching diverts the mind. Thinking of whether people noticed my scratching. Maybe I should not have scratched. Scratching crotch in public place is not encouraged by our culture. But, in the first place, I was never feeling itchy. It was just to divert attention from ulta topi waaalas to me. Now, that people are looking, you do not want them to look. That is exactly how the middle class is formed. Thinking they want something, and once they get it, they no longer want it. Going to upper class means, wearing the ulta topees and showing people that you are different. Lower class means not even considering the topiwallas as human . We, the stupid middle class shall remain here till we die.

People all over the world(also called DAIICT) assume that you are worthless. Unable to complete btech. I challenge you to stand in my place and consider yourself worthful. You cannot. Pathetic foolios, it is my standing that makes me still alive. It is my ability to ignore the dogs. Keep barking..Not that I can ignore you forever, but I when you are too much of a nuisance I shall call in the dog cathing squad or throw you a bone. About curiousity, or concern, there is a wee bit of confusion among people. People think they are showing concern, when they are curious about me. What do you think I am made of? Cow dung? I can see you are curious to know about my condition and feel good. Go home and rejoice.


How long should a report be? what font should I use? what color should I use? what dpi should I use for my graphic? ...if u could also tell me what to write, and what grade to expect, I might as well quit. Try to see if what I do is comprehendable, if so, it should be fine. I agree about universal standards for faster information processing. But, if the standards are imposed for the heck of it, rather than on a research paper, it will be like the monkey who wore spectacles.

The labs remain empty, people sit at gallas and discuss their problems. The faculty keeps refreshing their mail ists and delete mails from students. Students keep awake the whole night in an attempt to find that rare ascarapallabura axe that can inflict 200% damage. Or for that item, I do not remember. Win the game and feel happy. Least you/I could do.

False Faith

To survive is not pain, to live is the real effort required. What everyone is doing is surviving. Go on, Survive. But when you are living, life becomes an easy image to manipulate. Try living ... Break all your tendencies to hide in the hole. Come out and take the risk. Live the chance, ..if you can you win over life. if you cant there is always tomorrow.
But if you just survive, you are not there.. no matter how much you can spend, no matter how many girls you screw, you are simple not there. And you know it yourself.

Every moment you realize that you have gone against your principles, the first question that arises is did I ever have principles. And then, realization dawns. No ambitions, no missions and no principles. Thank you for surviving my friends. Try to step out of your tiny cracking shell or forget that you are human.

When the person you know, has got screwed due to you, it does not matter. but, if you are the target due to your own false faith, you go and watch movies or eat food to forget it. Go get a life.

The world is yet another year older. It does not really make a difference to it though. Not much to those turtles, that have been at Nehru zoo before my father's birth. But it does, to us. The difference, sadly can be seen everyday.
Happy Getting Older.
Hope you come to terms with it or ignore it comfortably. Either way you do not stop growing. Rather Aging to be precise.

I hope you do not rust.