Broken shadow

Tears don't come,
they wallow in pain,
shades of black,
memories again,

Drenching in rain,
I hoped to wash down the pain,
all in vain,
I see black again.

Was there ever a golden dream,
Was I just a flowing stream,
a silent shadow,
not a team.
Keep walking you will, but you lost me there,
the place where the sun shall never bare.

the short and long of it

is never to show your back! and well if you did, face it full in the front now. Hope is a kill-joy for the future sometimes. I can't look back at things I havent done because I did not. I havent done things because I did not feel like. I did not feel like doing them because I did not realize their place in my life. I stopped building pillars as I could not see the house!

It has been a long time since I have given words to floating thoughts. I have been losing thoughts. Random sparks have abandoned me. Nostalgia, good moments, bad moments, everything eludes memory. I have to try to remember and it hurts. Rust

Jalori trackback

It still echoes loud and clear when he says, of all the groups, "you were the best".
The silence while getting down from jalori is something I can never forget.
I cherish that week beyond description and look forward for more such moments in life.

Jalori, here we come

Everyone I see around sets professional career targets, targets in life to settle down with, settle down in and more. I have been unable to do it. I would never go as far as blame my upbringing. It has been ,if not better as good as any other. It is just that I have failed to feel the things that appeal here and there. I fail to see ahead of myself, a shortcoming I fail to correct. However, All these seem irrelevant to me when compared to this trip by the YHAI. Hope it sustains

of seething heat and nights without relief

it was never so hot. Maybe it's just not the temperature. the sun seems to be getting inside the skin and eating away from the insides. It was not like this before. The rockets, the fridges, lovely A/Cs and everything else that technology has helped develop, much like the advent of the atom bomb have all caused deterioration in simple life styles. Now that average incomes increase and the cost of lifestyles decrease, lots of people have started buying their own A/C. The world needs fools.

Fools who think, that they can bring back the world to where it moved away from. Where we could walk in the heat in the middle of the day and come back with just a bead or two of sweat dripping, not sweat soaked clothes that require instant drying.

SAving a Porcupine baby from Fire(22 Mar 2006)

Phone: Nokia 7200
low resolution.

Walking back to college, i found a small fire on the way. A little porcupine was rolling in the fire. Slowly, I pushed it off using a notebook which was in my hand. The photos are not crisp, owing to the low resolution but it was an incident quite memorable.

The Hair Comb Seller

While going to get my spectacles repaired at ameerpet, I saw a bandi full of combs. Not that I use a comb regularly, or that I even have a 'hair style' I just felt a sudden urge to comb my hair. Searching for a comb suitable for me, I chose a nice coffee and chocolate color blend comb. Looking around for the seller, I noticed a man in his mid-forties wearing a skull cap and puffing heavily at the remains of a bedi. Stubbing the remains, he walked towards me, took a look at the comb I was holding and said, " teen rupaiy fixed price".

More than happy with the deal, I paid him the same. Coming back the next day to pick my mended glasses, I saw two policemen pulling the bandi off. I looked around to find the comb wallah, but he was gone. Perhaps forever.

With the speed at which the world is changing and I am growing old, I guess I might turn delusional sooner than I thought.

The legend of the Horse Spectacles

First, I elaborate pictorially.

A. A Horse with his eye cover.





B. A similar Eye cover.




Legend has it that the steed's immense speed comes through the mysterious eye wear which prevent complete visibility. Current fashion trends have acquired the knowledge from ascetics and have made it their duty to throw the secret glasses onto human kind.

And here we are, with more than half of the people I know wearing the horse glasses.

Do

Casting one last glance at the world, he walked the extra step from the cliff. The last step that never existed. This was the moment the mind worked faster than ever. One last time. Every memorable event came back, a flash. Those events that he forgot, the ones he intended to forget and those he believed had happened and those that he believed never happened. The false beliefs finally broke apart and truth hit really hard. Plunging into the darkness, the mind refused to stop analyzing the complexities of his life. A hair's breadth away from the jagged rocks and he saw that his beliefs were misplaced, his decisions uncalled for and yet, he could not do a thing. The arriving death took over the enlightened mind and eased the pain from the mind. Forever.

One's ego makes one live. Makes one do things. The unsatisfied ego kills mercilessly.

The misery of being cold

The bench was cold. Indifferent. People walked around him. Sweet fragrances following. He looked up, seeing different colors on people. He was used to this silence. The silence he felt when he saw everything. Everything that belonged, but nothing to him. The bench was all he had. How could anyone know that it was not always like this? He touched the cold bench. The paint was coming off. There was a breeze but the trees did not sway. A dry leaf rolled away on the ground. A little dog hid beneath the bench. Coming upto him, it wagged its tail. Nudging him to move and play, it looked longingly into his eyes. Not Finding a companion, it followed the rolling leaf trying to pin it down. The sun was almost down and the street lights were now switched on. Another day was nearing its end. He walked back. But today, he had a tear running down his left cheek.

The misery of being cold is that the smallest warmth moves you.

Life shows so many things to do. I am making my own now.

- teach a cow to shake hands.
- walk with closed eyes from my room to the lab and back.
- Copy from people who are not in your circle and show off :P

Such rich variety is so beautiful that when finally working, it seems like opportunities in life are endless. Granted, that a path has been chosen for some time. In the long run, it will be good to stick to one. But the short is important too. Keep running around the bush and loving it, till you can do it.

So said Saki

She Spoke with enthusiasm enough for the two.

And so I believe is the case everywhere. People almost never have equal shares of enthusiasm which is the most common case of conflict. Some people believe they do but actually break the truth in the voyage. There are the others, who believe it and stand by it, with overflowing enthusiasm forever. Saki's humorous vein has such strands of reality stuck with it, it leaves me speechless time and again

Move Over Mr.Varun

I am fine with gimmicks to get votes. We have all been seeing them, over and over again. But out short term memories tend to forget them. However, going over board is not an excuse. I wonder if a well-educated man would fight against the issue of terrorism by raising his tone against everyone of a sect. Quite despicable, considering his qualifications. Caught talking on tape, Mr.Varun said that he would gladly cut the hands off of people who would harm or terrorize HINDUS. Also, heard was a statement of scorn about names and comparing all names with "Osama". Wonder if even a in a light and humorous vein whether such a remark would be found acceptable by a candidate attempting to represent part of a secular state. Please oust him immediately if possible.

Here's a shocking video excerpt of the same:

http://www.in.com/videos/watchvideo-varun-gandhis-antimuslim-speech-2644997.html
courtesy: IBN live

WhooshMan Sagar and Back

A random visit to lab next door was just for an exchange of useless banter. The topic that was heard of was the lakes of hyderabad. Off went Nihar's binary scale of action. Let's go to Osman Sagar. And in the shortest route. Whoosh!!!. Fron Behind the Wipro road, off we went through hedgy, muddy and sandy roads, the bullet ever fresh still. Next we climbed onto the outer ring road on a two wheeler, got fined by a police who thinks learner's licenses are not valid to drive and finally via gandipet reached Osman sagar which had a board, that said "Do not go into the water, Crocodiles threat". after a futile hunt for crocs, we went back through a completely different route through shaikpet, glancing at old tomb-ish structures. The qutub shahi tombs perhaps and a final lone, not so tomb-ish structure, which arrived quite literally in an unexpected way. off through paths that would be roads in future, blocks that would be housing IT studs soon, and finally to see the oh-so-familiar-Wipro, I would call it a day very well gone.

The List of Various Walkers

1. The Running for life walkers : they stop at nothing.

2. The Crawling walkers: It's like they accidentally left the shift key pressed in Max Payne

3. The One Handed Swingers : one hand is tied to the body with an imaginary rope.

4. The Rotary Members: It's like they are another planet on earth, but cannot complete their rotation as they have to keep moving ahead too.

5. The Movers and Shakers : Their body is like an orchestra in full swing at every step.

6. Gym Boys : You can fit a rhino between their arms and their waist.

7. The Suicidal walk: everyone does this after a bad session. Head down, shoulders down, legs struggling.

8. The dismembered neck walk : when a well endowed fairer sex member exists in the visibility range.

9. The ear crutch clutchers : They are born with wires from their ears and an exuberant gait from which their song can be inferred, if not from their humming.

10. The Wall Walkers : Move as closely to the wall as possible. Possibly expect a mutiny in the centre, but not near the walls.

11. The Bouncers : Every step makes the rest of their body fly for a moment. The Wright brothers were so wrong to make an instrument to make people fly. Bit more practice and off they will go.

12. Spies : Keep looking down, suddenly look up as though the surroundings will change.

Of Back Rests and Foot Rests

Sticking to a regime is tougher than generally thought as. It is no wonder that people who strive hard for their success have no regard for changing themselves. Adherence to a schedule is a meditation which in itself should yield sweet fruits. Hoping that living a scheduled life for a period of time would soon give out sweet fruits enough for the rest of life is untrue. Every moment of life demands an unrest, a feeling of being unfulfilled which shall, if at all be satisfied would be, by attempting to reach out to the moment that comes and achieve more.

Another well known yet ignored fact is that we are all alone. We can hold on to the shoulders of giants around us, but not forever. Scaling even the smallest mound all by oneself gives one the sweet pleasure of success achieved by the self. It is this pleasure that one strives to achieve in daily life as the indulges of the human mind are all but temporal. But the real mementos of life are firmly put into oneself with each peak scaled.

Oh, and btw!

the regime was my daily running schedule which I am going back to again, and my gym schedule too.

And also, my daily lab hours!

To see through what is and what is not

I look at my feet,
worn from the journey,
the one that started just yet,
I desire new feet,
new footwear maybe,
slowly it dawns,
the foot nor the footwear help see the destination,
they just slow down the journey.

I see people resting all around, some way behind, some way ahead. There are others walking with me. Some are very young, a lot of my age and a few are older. Everyone seems to know that walking is the need. But, yet some people sit, sit in silence and sadness. I realized that I was not walking. No, I was not. I felt I was someone else till now. I could see through someone's eyes as they walked the desert terrain. The feet covered in sand, the throat parched with thirst. I always thought that was me. Covering my face with a damp cloth to keep away from the heat, I thought I walked.

My eyes are now open, I see some people I thought I was. I was not one of them. I sit and watch them walk. telling them if things are falling off them. Help them get up, if they fall. Then I go back and sit on a small mound, I found. I like the mound I guess, and so I might live here forever. Is the battle over? was it all a farce? Can I open my eyes once more to see myself walking? Walking ahead into a land of lush meadows, walking with people, walking ahead of some, behind some, but walking. I see how easy it is to close your eyes and still see what you want to. To see visions of success, happiness and satisfaction. To even taste the sweetness of victory. All without actually doing any.

It is a delirium. Night falls and it rains. People still walk. The people who rest wait for the rain to stop. completely wet, their clothes clinging to them, they tremble as it thunders. People who walk, they do not bother to even respect the sound. It shows, it all shows. It all shows in different acts in life.

It is hard to open eyes, and then open the eyes of the man you really are, the eyes of man you just opened. And there you wonder was walking a better task? was dreaming not? the answers have still not been sent. Maybe a letter will arrive some day telling me the truth. But I do not want to wait. I have sat enough. My legs are fresh. I need to walk,again. As I did once, as I recollect it and relive it as my present within my closed eyes. There I see my self going again. But I need to stop seeing myself going away, or I will never go away. The night gets cold and sleep takes over the body as the mind tries to reason out something. Perhaps, not much.



A small request to take in the world and take in what I am.




This was a way of expressing myself as I see and I wish that people see to it that they keep walking forever in life and it would be a pleasure to know that you are walking whether we are ahead, behind or together.

The magic of music

Having my breakfast whilst pondering over news and fretting over my laziness, I switched on the radio to shake myself off the bed. A lone Shehnai started playing a melancholy pitch. Off ran my mind, away from the room, away from the college, the life I live, into a land I know not, but I know I want to go to, a land where I stand and where I look at life, not happy, but satisfied. A land where I do not look forward, nor do I look back. A land where I live. A land free of the burden that one needs to bear. A land where looking back does not cause pleasure or pain, but just a sense of memory. It made me realize how puny our lives, our thinking, our pleasures and we are. Just like a coffee which needs a spoon for the sugar to be stirred in, the song shook my roots and my beliefs showing that no matter which path you head, there forever remain strings that you do not pluck. a drop of dew falling off one such string causes a sensation that is beyond description. A feeling that not only can we visualize or hear but also feel, feel from deep inside.

It is these little surprises that make me feel good in life. These sudden surges of extreme emotion that put me out of my small insignificant life. These moments are worth living for, if not dying for.

An old jingle from Radio Mirchi

"Subah Subah jab khidki khole, baaju waali ladki dekhe....
Dil mera bole.....
Dil mera bole.....
Hello.....Hello Amdavad"

:D