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Getting back to home was really a pleasant getaway from all the ....normal life activities. Sleepin at night, having free food, and no lectures to think about. What more could one think of?? It was sleep roam eat and more sleep. Looking at it, I never thought of going home. But again, I never even thought of bunking exams. Then comes the guilty feeling. Tears dont flow out but, u cannot talk anymore. Every1 else looks happy, even I pretend all day, but others, they look genuinely happy.Having Shaan at home was really gr8.He's really friendly and can get along with any situation. It was real fun just roamin all round Mumbai. And now bak at college, The path to progress remains smokey. Euthanasia opens up as an option to life. Depression seems a small word.One reason why I do not like showing my blog is this, my real-sad loser character opens up here. Nothing's left. Or hey!!I think I should say the girl has left, studies have left, grades have left, an I am the only one not left. I cannot help it. I am a loser. All I can think of is breaking out of this area, ...or is it this life?? I must say I can make a good actor, the way I manage to look cheerful all day long. But ..(I cant stop using buts) the pain never goes down. Everything's destroyed. All I can see is a Smith Chart with a big bold red X on it. Whatever I touch, I lose. Whatever I think, I fail. I need to either get out of failure or fail out of life. And Shaan, thnx 4 da gr8 time wish to cya in pune some time. I cant live without company anymore. I am afraid I'll breakdown if I am alone. I am dead scared. Scared to talk to professors, scared to raise my voice, scared to look up. I can just look down and accept my defeat. Even when I am typing I realize, this doesnt give me any pleasure, nor does it give me happiness to think tht people I know will read this. But, it's just the feeling tht maybe, just maybe writing my feelings may make me feel better.
Kudos to Naresh, who moved out of a similar situation to show tht he could fight. God Save Me.