Wednesday, March 30, 2005

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Getting back to home was really a pleasant getaway from all the ....normal life activities. Sleepin at night, having free food, and no lectures to think about. What more could one think of?? It was sleep roam eat and more sleep. Looking at it, I never thought of going home. But again, I never even thought of bunking exams. Then comes the guilty feeling. Tears dont flow out but, u cannot talk anymore. Every1 else looks happy, even I pretend all day, but others, they look genuinely happy.Having Shaan at home was really gr8.He's really friendly and can get along with any situation. It was real fun just roamin all round Mumbai. And now bak at college, The path to progress remains smokey. Euthanasia opens up as an option to life. Depression seems a small word.One reason why I do not like showing my blog is this, my real-sad loser character opens up here. Nothing's left. Or hey!!I think I should say the girl has left, studies have left, grades have left, an I am the only one not left. I cannot help it. I am a loser. All I can think of is breaking out of this area, ...or is it this life?? I must say I can make a good actor, the way I manage to look cheerful all day long. But ..(I cant stop using buts) the pain never goes down. Everything's destroyed. All I can see is a Smith Chart with a big bold red X on it. Whatever I touch, I lose. Whatever I think, I fail. I need to either get out of failure or fail out of life. And Shaan, thnx 4 da gr8 time wish to cya in pune some time. I cant live without company anymore. I am afraid I'll breakdown if I am alone. I am dead scared. Scared to talk to professors, scared to raise my voice, scared to look up. I can just look down and accept my defeat. Even when I am typing I realize, this doesnt give me any pleasure, nor does it give me happiness to think tht people I know will read this. But, it's just the feeling tht maybe, just maybe writing my feelings may make me feel better.
Kudos to Naresh, who moved out of a similar situation to show tht he could fight. God Save Me.

Home is where the Heart is

Getting back to home was really a pleasant getaway from all the ....normal life activities. Sleepin at night, having free food, and no lectures to think about. What more could one think of?? It was sleep roam eat and more sleep. Looking at it, I never thought of going home. But again, I never even thought of bunking exams. Then comes the guilty feeling. Tears dont flow out but, u cannot talk anymore. Every1 else looks happy, even I pretend all day, but others, they look genuinely happy.Having Shaan at home was really gr8.He's really friendly and can get along with any situation. It was real fun just roamin all round Mumbai. And now bak at college, The path to progress remains smokey. Euthanasia opens up as an option to life. Depression seems a small word.One reason why I do not like showing my blog is this, my real-sad loser character opens up here. Nothing's left. Or hey!!I think I should say the girl has left, studies have left, grades have left, an I am the only one not left. I cannot help it. I am a loser. All I can think of is breaking out of this area, ...or is it this life?? I must say I can make a good actor, the way I manage to look cheerful all day long. But ..(I cant stop using buts) the pain never goes down. Everything's destroyed. All I can see is a Smith Chart with a big bold red X on it. Whatever I touch, I lose. Whatever I think, I fail. I need to either get out of failure or fail out of life. And Shaan, thnx 4 da gr8 time wish to cya in pune some time. I cant live without company anymore. I am afraid I'll breakdown if I am alone. I am dead scared. Scared to talk to professors, scared to raise my voice, scared to look up. I can just look down and accept my defeat. Even when I am typing I realize, this doesnt give me any pleasure, nor does it give me happiness to think tht people I know will read this. But, it's just the feeling tht maybe, just maybe writing my feelings may make me feel better.
Kudos to Naresh, who moved out of a similar situation to show tht he could fight. God Save Me.

Monday, March 14, 2005

In the In sems

Looking through the glass, people will see things not clearly but as hazy as possible. Make it drabby, make it tacky. Use some gum, screw the line. Make it a page, and here you win. That's the summary of the dates to come in this week. Dates, I mean the days. Dates are hard to find ..specially in a desert where there are more computers then big chesters. Where females are seen only on wallpapers and porn, life comes and hits you in the nuts rather than anywhere else. No place to hide the nuts buddy and u cant put'em to use either. Stuck, that's what you are. U have dug the hole and chose to hide in it, who is gonna bring you out of it....??? This sen thing is really bothering me. Ppl seem to b hibernating...with SEN lectures stuck to the screens. This Asim guy is hellbent on making us softawre engineers. Lookin and thinking for a moment I wonder, What I really wanna be? Not what others want me to be. But what is it that still drives me to live??
[b]The fact that I am still a virgin??[\b]

Saturday, March 05, 2005

rose-colored home,Cloud no.9, HELL

Why?WHy?Why?
It just keeps crossing the head!!Why? Are we too mature for our age?? are we too mature for our environment?? Are we too mature for our companions??(or female counterparts rather)??

Each and every incident just highlights the same WHY again and again. There must be a good education class for people who think kissing is bad. People never, never mane never ..here, understand 1 bit of sensible talk.
Anyway, bak to my better mood swing talks. Flash has been very exciting and It's really fun when you can make boobs jump in the air and take all responsibility for the act. Design looks like a field where the limits are bounded only by the edge of our head. We can keep thinking of innumerable things that will appeal. But essentially, how can one start of in design/??? Coding has always been non-negative in my life--> Ohh!!!
I want to write a lot,but my mind has given way to a chamber of evil smoke and is running out of it's way!!!